JameyoftheMegacosmos wrote:Aya will most certainly have allies. Her first one in magical girl sense is a mentor girl a little like Mami. Though she dies, Aya gets new allies, including her own friends, other magical girls she came across with her mentor, and (SPOLIER!) even her own mother. The cast will come later.
Why does the name, Lady Justice, make me think of Marvel?
Armored Entity wrote:Oh, and another thing.
Jamey, are you still working on the Yin-Yang one too, or have you given up on that one? Just curious.
ShadowSpectre wrote:Tapping into someone's subconscious in that way is slightly more than huge. I like the idea of a mental barrier becoming a physical barrier, but you need to quantify the dangers of messing with someone's mind, realising that subconscious influence is very likely to lead to more negative outcomes as well as positive ones. Magic aside, it is very difficult to change someone's subconscious, that's built up over years and you're suggesting changing it within seconds. I know it's changing "body", but body and mind are irrefutably linked (see: proprioperception and its discussion in: Sherrington, The Integrative Action of the Nervous System and Man on his Nature by the same; Sterman et al. in Annals of Neurology [I forget the page reference, it's in the 300s]; Sacks in The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat, especially chapter 3, "The Disembodied Lady") and while you've alluded that they're linked in such a way with the ability to change the body, whether intentionally or not, you need to make it a little clearer that it's not all happy coincidence and power theft and influence.
JameyoftheMegacosmos wrote:But yeah, that does come up in the anime, both in the beginning and later on.
JameyoftheMegacosmos wrote:Especially when when Aya is out trying to resolve her friends' problems, in which more problems come up or things become worse.
JameyoftheMegacosmos wrote:And such a power also nearly corrupts her a few times and used against her by the remaining antagonists in the last two parts (Luke Feral, Lucy Feral, David Hathorne, and Mitchel Graves).
JameyoftheMegacosmos wrote:In addition, not only does she have her internal barriers to deal with, but she also unaware of her own problems due to focusing more on just breaking barriers of herself and other people.
JameyoftheMegacosmos wrote:She doesn't realize that she shouldn't always be selfless and helping others (especially everyone since she often breaks that rule with the AMF and ends up helping people who want to cuase more harm than good) when she has her own problems.
ShadowSpectre wrote:How? The way you execute this is critical, because it would threaten to almost overpower your protagonist straight to hell.
ShadowSpectre wrote:Usual, isn't necessarily unique. Wouldn't surprise me, but I recommend that you investigate the possibility of using dilemmas, especially when it comes to choosing how to split one's responsibility and power between two situations that require similar commitments. Food for thought.
ShadowSpectre wrote:Also fairly common a feature, I'd suggest some in-universe discussion concerning the difference between choice and corruption. It is really easy to brand someone corrupt, but what you could do is have the Commanders publicly humiliate Aya and label her as a corrupt, self-centred, selfish and evil figure with her own agenda once you've forced her to make a hard decision in a dilemma.
ShadowSpectre wrote:Going to assume you meant barriers between herself and others, not of herself and of other people. You're going to need to make sure you add depth to this kind of interpersonal understanding and development because you risk having a very shallow narrative without more emphasis on the verbal/nonverbal interactions than the physical, actual barriers people put up. Magical girl or not, she's still human and as such victim of the social awkwardness surrounding trying to connect with others.
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